we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
