Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
