Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
