i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
