Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
