Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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