i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
