I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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