i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
