I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize