If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
