OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
