I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize