this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
