I looked at my own cervix.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
