I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
