im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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