just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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