who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
