I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
