Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
