i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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