It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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