Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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