Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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