i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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