Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize