I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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