I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
