Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize