I've blown a few things in my day
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
