i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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