i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
