my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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