he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
