Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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