Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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