I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
