Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
