I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
