I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
