the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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