Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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