Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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