we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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