Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
