Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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