The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
two words: eviction party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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