He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're too hungover to prance.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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