Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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