Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
