how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
