Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize