I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Barsexuality is the new black.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
