there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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