White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
