I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
