After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
