ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
