Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
