She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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