Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
