Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
