I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
