he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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