Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
