My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
