twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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