dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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