this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
