I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
