He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
