It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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