I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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