obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
