dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
