I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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