Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
