her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bring me that man meat
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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