the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She bit a glass in half.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
