im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
