mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We are two peas in an std pod
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
